this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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