Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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