it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
