I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
