she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
