I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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