every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
