ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
