you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We are all done wearing pants today
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
