After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
