She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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