You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
