two words: eviction party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
