my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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