i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize