no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
