I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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