Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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