Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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