She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
