I'm lost and stupid without you.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
