There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
