he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
