oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
