It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
