Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can't turn off my feet"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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