Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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