I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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