i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
