OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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