My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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