I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
