I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
