Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
