Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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