i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
