Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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