Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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