i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
