Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
