I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
