I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
she looked like the before picture.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
