office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Come share oat with me in your robe
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
there is puke in my bra ... again
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