everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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