weddingsv make me drug and hornr
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
