just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
