I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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