david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
smell my finger.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
