You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize