Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
