Duck Duck Cougar?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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