you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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