Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
