This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
