Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
