sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
