I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
