??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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