puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
