Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
