we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize