how can u be prego again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
