i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
