i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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