I wanna passion pit in your ass
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
