I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
