Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize