I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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