it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
